How to choose a mate

This one is for the ladies!

Life experience has taught me many lessons. When it comes to dating people often speak of the need to kiss many frogs before finding your Prince.
I don’t think this is an absolute necessity. Allow me to share what I have learned.

When seeking a mate, many of us look only at the external.
Parcels containing destruction can often be wrapped in nice shiny paper and tied up with a bow.
Many of us are falling for the wrapping paper and failing to discern what is on the inside.

It’s time to change our mind-sets and shallow approaches. How?
Here are my 10 commandments of dating in 2020.

1) Thou Shalt Take Your Power Back
You are the prize. You are the blessing.
Start selecting a man rather than waiting to be selected. By this I mean, when approached, be selective. Not everyone that shows interest is meant for you.
Decide what qualities are important to you and seek those qualities in a mate.
In the words of Maya Angelou, “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

2) Thou Shalt Seek Relationships that are Rich Intellectually, Spiritually and Emotionally.
Is this a meeting of minds? Can you have meaningful conversations?
Is this individual adding value to who I am as a person or taking it away?
Are we equally yoked? Do we share the same values?
If the answer to both is yes then, invest emotionally.
Investing emotionally before intellectual and spiritual analysis leads to much heartbreak and disappointment.

3) Thou Shalt Look Deeper
Shift your perspective from surface appearances and explore what lies beneath.
Forget his height, muscles, complexion and good looks. All that fades. Only diamonds are forever.
Look for inner value. Search his heart.
Use discernment to see what lies beneath observed actions and words.
Dating is a time to gather data; ask questions, to get to know what he is really about.
And when people show you who they are- BELIEVE THEM.

4) Thou Shalt Analyse His Dominant Female Relationships
How does he relate to the women in his life (mother, sisters, grandmother)?
A man often treats his wife a similar way.

5) Thou Shalt Analyse His Close Friendships
Looking at a man’s company will tell you something about his values, and what he considers to be of importance.
A man’s inner circle will determine his character. Evil company corrupts good character.

6) Thou Shalt Observe His Work Ethic
A man’s work ethic should match or surpass your own.
This is not about how much he earns. It is about how he works and handles his responsibilities.
Look at how long he keeps a job.
A man that understands his responsibilities will always have a strong work ethic.

7) Thou Shall Never Lend Money to a Man You are Dating
It does not matter how much you earn or make, never tell a man you will look after him.

8) Thou Shalt Observe Who His Dominant Male Role Model Is
Do not put yourself in the position of being submitted to a man who is submitted to no one.
When dating, ask him about his father, male role models and mentors etc.
This can reveal a great deal about his beliefs, values and perspectives on his definition of manhood and gender roles.

9) Thou Shalt Observe His Natural Selflessness
A woman who knows that she is of value will never have to force a man to recognise that.
Likewise, a wise man recognises a woman of value when he finds her and behaves accordingly.
If you find yourself begging a man to call you, spend time with you, and be there for you then you need to slap yourself and end that.
True love is found in two people who are willing and eager to serve each other.

10 ) Thou Shalt Find a Man Who Is Content in Himself
Be comfortable in your own skin. Look for a mate who is comfortable in his. This will guard you from the tornadoes of comparison, discontentment and the constant striving that robs people of integrity, peace and time in seeking things that are ultimately of very little value.